Companion To History (Condensed)

Sometimes the Universe brings opportunities to us to assist in navigating our spiritual journey. Other times it brings us to where we need to be in order to assist others in pursuing their journey. Sometimes, it is both at once – a shared experience. As I look back on the various twists and turns in my life, there have been many instances of both types of such interactions between the Universe and me. One particular track has been a pattern of key travels, and finding myself at the right place at the right moment in the right unique circumstance. The following is a personal example of multiple such special moments.

*****

Ronald Reagan and Mikhail Gorbachev gathered for a first summit meeting in Geneva, Switzerland on November 19-20, 1985. As an IT manager for Bank of Boston, I was scheduled to meet in Geneva with its European branches. I arrived in Geneva on the 20^th, with tight security visible everywhere I went. I had never seen or experienced such images back in America. But the summit was successful, laying the foundation for future dialog and strategic arms reductions. My understanding of a larger world beyond America was beginning to be irrevocably changed.

*****

Jean-Claude Duvalier became the dictator of Haiti – the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere – after his dictator father died in 1971. On February 7, 1986, following growing street demonstrations by the people, Duvalier fled the country. I arrived in Port-au-Prince a few weeks after the overthrow (another bank trip). I saw the extreme poverty of the citizenry, young men with military rifles patrolling the streets, but also the jubilation of people celebrating their new freedom. I felt lucky to share in that moment of national joy.

*****

In 1997, I scheduled a personal genealogy trip through the United Kingdom and the Irish Republic. I arrived London/Heathrow Airport in the evening of August 31. Going to bed early, I woke up around 2am, and turned on the TV. The first reports of Princess Diana’s car wreck and death were just coming in live. Thus would begin a week of all-consuming national mourning over her death that served as the backdrop for my entire trip. On the day of Diana’s state funeral, I was in the far northwestern corner of Scotland, alone in my car, parked on a high bluff overlooking the sea, listening to the service on the radio. I was glad I could be there to “participate” in person. These times and events began a substantive reevaluation of the British monarchy that continues to this day.

Continuing on, I arrived in Belfast on September 9, 1997. Northern Ireland has a long history of violent conflict between the Catholic and Protestant populations. “The Troubles” had claimed many lives over a recent twenty-year period. I visited the Stormont government building where peace talks were being held intermittently. Sitting for hours on the lawn, I silently wished success to all parties involved. My itinerary across Northern Ireland brought me into visible contact with the many signs and structures of this conflict. On October 7, 1997 a renewed effort began to negotiate a multi-party peace accord. The result was the “Good Friday Agreement” on April 10, 1998, that created a new shared governance structure that continues to this day.

*****

As a young teen, I watched a 1930s movie titled “Lost Horizons.” A man crashed in the Himalayas, and made his way to a fictitious hidden civilization called Shangri-La, a land of perfect peace and communal harmony, modeled after the very real land of Tibet. In my 50’s I vowed to see Tibet for myself. I booked a solo trip to go to China (Beijing, Xi’an), and then Tibet in September-October 1999. I hired personal guides for the China portion, and was scheduled to join an international bus tour group upon arrival in Lhasa. Getting off the plane in Beijing, my guide informed me that the city was closed for a week to celebrate the 50^th anniversary of the People’s Republic of China. The next day they put me on a plane to Xi’an, and then Chengdu, thereby advancing the Tibet portion, doing Beijing at the end. So much for my carefully made itinerary planning.

In my travel journal that I subsequently wrote, I described in detail the daily events of this China/Tibet trip. I was traveling all alone in two countries and cultures uniquely new to my entire life experience – and no one back home knew where I was. I followed a series of local guides, continual coincidences, and Universe-interventions that redesigned all original plans. It simply required me to trust things to work out as the Universe intended for me. By (thankfully) missing the bus tour, instead I was given a driver and a guide to show me around. Being free of the bus crowd, I had the unique opportunity to see and hear Tibet on a 1-1 “people” level. Similarly, the same people contact occurred when I returned for the China leg. I enjoyed celebrating China’s founding anniversary. I saw that same China in the process of destroying an honored Tibetan culture and religion. I followed where I was led.

*****

The weekend of June 30-July 1, 2001, I attended a Buddhist conference in New York City. The event was held at a hotel/conference center situated in the Twin Towers Plaza. I stayed in a hotel room that looked directly into the plaza and into one of the Towers.  2½ months later, on September 11, 2001, terrorists destroyed the entire complex. “9-11” entered our lexicon, representing world-wide terror, to be avenged and defeated. But I had a first reaction that, in America, “9-1-1” represented our emergency call number and a plea for help. We never responded to that possible perspective of “help.” Thus began decades of involvement and war in the Middle East. Was a different opportunity perhaps lost? I don’t know.

*****

The modern version of Lebanon is a country of widely diverse cultural/religious factions, requiring significant efforts to hold it together. But in 1975-1990, civil war broke out. Afterwards, Lebanon began re-governing itself as an independent country, but with neighboring Syria pulling the strings in background. I was scheduled to do consulting work at a Beirut university in February 2005. On February 14, 2005, a former prime minister was assassinated in a car bombing; Syria’s secret service was blamed.  The people took to the streets in protest Syria’s involvement; it was a very tense time. My colleagues and I were given the option to postpone our visit; instead, we opted to fly in as scheduled. Thus was I at another significant moment of historical change, working side-by-side with wonderful Lebanese people, while being exposed to yet another distinctly different culture that exists in a significant place and time in world history. Syria left Lebanon in April 2005; I made a number of trips back over the next several years. The country has faced many tough times in the intervening years.

***** In Conclusion …

A one-time event is an experience.  Two similar events are a possible coincidence. Three or more similar structural events are a pattern. It is in seeing the recurring patterns that have shaped our lives that makes possible some of our most meaningful spiritual insights. I do not fully know why I found myself at these particular locales at those particular times. But I know they were important to my life path. Important for me to expand my horizons. I know these experiences were brought to me not only by my own doing, but with the assistance of the spiritual Universe. Which required me to step out of “control mode,” and work with the Universe by being a trusting partner and willing follower. Did I bring some tangible effect on others, on my “hosts?” I honestly do not know. We rarely know the domino effects that our actions create for others. Perhaps it was merely to be present. To simply bare witness to a significant moment. My reward was to know these people, locales and cultures on a personal level that remains with me to this day. Maybe that was a mutual gift enough.

Learn from the pattern. The pattern is a window into the Universe. The Universe as Teacher.

©   2022   Randy Bell             https://OurSpiritualWay.blogspot.com

 (NOTE: For a free .pdf copy of the original expanded essay from which this posting is drawn, send an email request to OurSpiritualWay@hotmail.com)

Some Things I Have Learned - Excerpt

 In my book “The Divine Intention For Our Human Life” (ISBN# 978-0-9895428-6-9), the perspective is offered that the Purpose of our human life is to Learn. Learn as much as can be possible within one lifetime about all that makes up this miracle of Creation within which we exist … So it is worthwhile to periodically stop in the chaos and frenzy of our everyday life, look back on what we have seen, what we have experienced, and then examine more fully What We Have Learned on a broader, more general perspective … To that end, the following narrative identifies some of the Lessons I have been fortunate to learn over my current lifetime …

I – A Lifetime Journey

#1. Each of us walks a path that defines the spiritual journey of our life. Over time, we move from one stepping stone to the next, a series of adventures and milestones that constitute our life adventures. It is a path unique to each if us, though we likely encounter many companions along the way who appropriately fade in and out of our shared travels.

#2. Most of the stepping stones we walk seem to be haphazardly arranged, a series of disconnected, accidental, unexpected turns. Yet in fact the next stone in our sequence is the cumulative result of the many stones we walked before … If we take the time to map out the links and circumstances that have facilitated our journey to date, that map will reveal a far more connected and purposeful life than we might have assumed.

II – The Structures Of Human Life

#5. Every physical form that is, also exists in different variations within that form … This multitude of forms and their variations is purposefully meant to continually illustrate to us the vastness of all Creation, while demonstrating that life takes many forms, each acceptable in its own right …

#7. Conflict is an inherent part of life … Conflict challenges us to look beyond easy answers, but rather to look deeper into the source and impact of a given conflict, and then to reach deeper into our creativity and accumulated knowledge for how to resolve that conflict … This is to deepen our knowledge, notwithstanding the personal pain we may experience.

#8. We are formed by the union of a mother and a father. The result is that we are created both “male” and “female.” Each of us manifests our dual female/male characteristics in varying ways … Yet the male/female separation is simply for functional reasons, typically to facilitate some of how we will function in this lifetime, some of the roles we will play, and some of our life Lessons to be learned …

#9. We cannot change what has already happened. We can only learn from it, build upon it in our future actions. There is no backtracking, no undoing, no wiping the slate clean. There is only starting over from a new place, newly informed. We are best served by cutting our attachments to our past, but only after its Lessons have been learned.

12. We are given a full range of emotions to experience in our learning, arriving in sets of matched opposites. Love/hate … happiness/sadness; success/failure … joy/sorrow; confidence/fear … etc. Each partner in the match works together with the other so that we know both the context and depth of each, by which we ultimately come to appreciate the unity of the match itself.

III – The Search For Truths

#13. There is much for us to learn as human beings, over a vast subject matter we call “Life.” In one lifetime, we can only know and absorb a limited portion of all there is in Creation. Our “knowledge” … should be continually humbled by respecting how much we do not know.

#14. True wisdom is knowledge (facts) gained by observation, which generates thoughts (opinions) which are tested by experience, which are truly understood by reflection, which then becomes the basis for new observations. It is a never-ending, repeating cycle.

#16. A Truth is unending. The more we learn, more doors open for us as we revisit our Lessons and learn them even more deeply. We pursue Truth to learn “The Truth,” but our learning is never satisfied with a false completion. We would like to see Truth as a singular “final” outcome, but such outcomes are only temporary milestones of Wisdom. The pursuit of Truths continues.

IV – The Decisions We Make

#21. Our decisions often seem random and disconnected with each other. But if we trace them back, we are very likely to find a connected thread that ties them together. One decision leads to an action, which leads to another decision needing to be made, which leads to another action, which leads to another decision to be made, which … Our life is not lived in a straight line, but proceeds instead in a series of starts and stops, constantly changing direction.

#24. Decisions have an expiration date. A decision at a past point in time is not necessarily still an appropriate decision for today … We need to learn when to “cut bait” on a decision that once served us well, but no longer does so; when to let go of a prior decision and its resulting actions so that we can move on to our next awaiting adventure …

#27. Our resistance to Change is often overcome more easily when the topic becomes personal and directly relevant to us. When seeking change in others, sometimes we have to help the topic become personal and directly relevant to them in order to help motivate those individuals to join in the Change effort.

V – Living Our Life

#29. Our inherent inclination is to Love, but we are predominately driven in our actions by our Fears … Our fears come from the mental and physical pain we experience … in interacting with the overwhelming vastness and seeming superiority of all Creation.

#30. … Each human life reflects the sum total of one’s experiences, thoughts, opinions, interactions, and decisions, made over time, occurring within a particular geographical and community / cultural setting(s), synthesized in a mix unique to that individual.

#32. Our greatest opportunities in life usually lie outside of our current view. We can only see them when we open up to their possibility.

#35. I cannot save the world. I cannot “correct” all that I perceive is wrong in this world. Nor can I ease all of the pain and suffering I see in this world. But I can make a difference in some small part of the world, in some manner that is available to me … I should try.

VI - Relationships

#37. Treat others as you would want your son or daughter to be treated. Ill-treatments run on a circular track back to its perpetrator.

#39. …Very little of whatever success we have in our life is due solely and entirely on our singular efforts. … The “self-made man/woman” should be applauded for his/her accomplishments, but there are many fingerprints on their trophy.

#40. Every human being deserves our best thoughts, our compassion for what they are going through, whether or not their circumstances are visible to us. But their personal struggles do not give them permission to act in unilateral ways to the inappropriate detriment of others.

#42. Forgiving a person who has wronged us can be hard, but it is warranted for our own peace. Ultimately, their ill-considered actions toward us are best consigned to our past, lest we remain a prisoner locked within their deeds.

#44. Do what you say you will do. Keep your word. Be reliable. Those traits define character, and are foundational for successful human relationships.

#47. A well-stated message, to the right person, at the right moment, in a right context, free of any expectations, is often the best-said message.

#49. We cannot substitute our life and journey into another’s life. Each person must follow their own unique journey.

#51. To get, one must give. To be heard, one must listen.

*****

Some of the many Lessons learned. Yet so much still not fully understood. So many Lessons still to be learned from experiences had and to be had. The process continues.

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.”
— Pema Chödrön, Buddhist Teacher

©   2022   Randy Bell                         https://OurSpiritualWay.blogspot.com

 

Blog On Hold

Thank you for visiting this Our Spiritual Way blog site.

Please note that, after 10 years of continuous writing, I am temporarily not posting new essays to this site. Given the national and international events of these past couple of years – cultural, political, medical, and spiritual – I find myself in need of a break from my writing commitment. For me, this is a time for reflection and renewal, a time to pause and better absorb the words and actions that have gone down since 2016, better understand their implication, and extract the underlying themes of what we have witnessed. Only after this needed reflective time do I feel I will be prepared and qualified to adequately resume the discussions to which this blog is dedicated.

My Thanks to all of you for your generous support and quality feedback over these years. Stay tuned – I will be in touch again when appropriate!

Randy Bell

Listening To Our Messages

 “In a time of difficulty, maybe [the Universe] has sent you not what you want, but what you need.”        —source unknown

Listen. Just listen. Watch. Just watch. Listen to, and watch for, our messages. Our personalized messages. Our Life Messages. It is a tricky business. Sometimes they arrive quietly, almost under the radar, here and gone in an instant. Easy to miss. Other times they arrive with a bang, demanding our attention, unavoidable. But often we nevertheless try to avoid them.

They are the spiritual Messages intended to give us guidance when we are at a divide in our path, and we are looking for a new direction or a new understanding. They point out our best choices for future directions. They help us decipher how things truly work in our world. They help us to understand what we have seen, heard or experienced but not fully understood. They push us beyond the limits of our everyday world into an unlimited world of being.

Every day, we are consumed with Doing. Doing tasks. Tasks initiated by us, assigned to us by others, or inherent in the many roles we have elected to take on. Absorbing words with our ears, images with our eyes, smells with our nose, shape and textures with our hands. Concurrently, we go about the care and maintenance of our body which makes this multi-tasking Doing possible. We long for time and energy to pursue our own Thoughts on all manner of topics to enhance our knowledge and move our life forward. All of these things taken together make for an unrelenting bombardment in continuing assault on our Mind. Each Doing competes for space, recognition; each Doing will likely get less than its desired share; our Mind prioritizes and apportions attention as it sees fit. Judgments of “good” versus “bad” are calculated; decisions are made; actions are taken; new inputs arrive; the Mind reprioritizes. The cycle repeats unendingly.

It is into the midst of this whirling vortex that our spiritual Messages arrive. Against all of this everyday chaos consuming our Mind, it is not a fair fight for commanding attention. Notwithstanding, these are truly the most important claimants for our attention. Yet, more often than not, they are subtle in their presentation. A word, a sentence in a paragraph of conversation with a friend; a flash of an image occupying one small corner of a panorama landscape; a particular smell wafting up in concert with dozens of other odors; the feel and connection of a single touch with another person in a day filled with similar but less-consequential encounters. In an already busy day, an unanticipated event occurs that challenges our assumptions, conflicts with our personal expectations as to what “should be,” perhaps blocks our current path-in-process.

How does one filter, separate, extract these most critical Life Message from the consuming weight, and demands for instant gratification, of our daily chaos? Simply put, we open ourselves to receiving them. We will never recognize our Messages if we do not first believe that such messaging exists. We will not reap the benefits of these messages if we attempt to cherry-pick which messages we accept – i.e. only the “good” and “easy” news that fits our already existing and predetermined plans. (In fact, many Messages are specifically intended to “make the comfortable uncomfortable.”) We will not hear them if we are not open to changing our life in some manner, because our spiritual Messages are inherently about provoking new directions or new ways of thinking. We will not see their importance if we do not pay attention to those moments when we are startled by a particular occurrence in our day. We will not engage as long as we believe that our life is constructed entirely from our own making, with minimal external interference. We will not be moved if we believe that our “coincidences” are just random and unconnected events, curiosities but of no meaningful substance.

In short, we pay attention. We pay reactive attention by our awareness that every moment, every person, every event of our day can be a vehicle for a Message. We pay proactive attention by setting aside time each day to survey the content of our day, to identify any situations that may have slipped by our awareness. In a day filled with Doings, we purposefully create time and space for our Mind to sort through the stories of our day to find the spiritual keys that can unlock the oft-closed doors within which we live. The key that answers the question, “What new thing did I learn today?” The key that tells us, “What am I unnecessarily holding on to?” The key that shows us, “What do I need to see and understand?” The key that shows us, “What bad thing or person in fact helped me to move to my next desirable  step?” The key that shows us, “How are the many separate parts and events of my life actually interconnected?”

In a quiet moment, we ask what Life (the Universe) is trying so hard to tell us. Having posed our question, we blot everything else out. We do not force a reply. Rather, we sit back and just listen. Watch the thoughts go by. Withholding judgment. Waiting until that intended core Message we seek comes through to us. We see anew. And then we act.

©   2021   Randy Bell             https://OurSpiritualWay.blogspot.com

 

A Really Big Small Thing

On May 8^th, Spencer Silver died at the age of 80. His death did not get much notice or attention at the time, a shame considering his important contribution to societal progress. Whatever successes I may have had in my professional and/or personal life, some portion of credit must be attributed to the revolutionary tool he made available equally to us all.

Spencer Silver was the 3-M product developer who created the Post-It Notes. Those little yellow 3” x 3” square pads ubiquitously scattered about in home and office. The special sticky glue on one side allowed them to be posted virtually anywhere, on anything, moved around or removed at will. Upon them has been written the major building blocks of “things to be done” and “information to remember” that has kept America undeniably running more smoothly. No high-tech equipment are required when your pen and Post-Its are immediately handy on nearby countertops and desks.

In my own case, as a strategic planner, they made possible the easy collection of group brainstorming ideas, little visions of the future captured in 3-5 words sharable with others. As a project planner, individual project requirements and milestones could be easily identified, and scrambled and sorted into variable options for consideration. The home “to do” list covering all sorts of tasks-to-do are conveniently noted at the moment of realization, then efficiently transported to the appropriate wall, mirror or desk most appropriate to any household member you feel needs “reminding.” Highly important is their use as a sleep aid – those minutes (seemingly hours) you toss and turn in bed thinking about some “critical” idea, or brainstorming a needed solution, or drafting a document to be written (e.g. a blog essay), all in dialog with your over-stimulated mind in lieu of sleep. Finally, you get up, grab your pen and Post-It pad on your nightstand, and write down those key words that assure you that your ideas will not be forgotten come the rude awakening of morning. Nervous energy turns into calm sleep at last.

For these and many other examples, we owe a debt to a guy by the name of Spencer Silver. It is human nature to want to save the world, change the difficult life conditions of humanity, accomplish “big ideas” for the sake of future generations. Yet, in its own way, the Post-It note reminds us that sometimes it is the small idea, the single step forward, that just helps us along a little more easily. It is someone – typically unnamed – who benefits us by sharing a moment of their inherent creativity. We should remember that it is often the accumulated little steps we take that make the big ones possible, so it behooves us to notice and acknowledge such contributions and acts of kindness as we come across them.

For that reminder, we thank you Spencer Silver. And I now consign to the paper recycle box the Post-It note written weeks ago reminding me to write this statement. Task done.

©   2021          Randy Bell                  https://OurSpiritualWay.blogspot.com

  

Family History And Heritage

In the mid-1980s, I was infected with the genealogy bug. I had a desire to know more about my family history: who I came from; who those people were; how their life unfolded; how I resulted from their journey. I began by following the traditional route of family history researchers. First, we identify the cast of characters by name in our ancestral pool, both direct ancestors and their siblings and descendants. Next comes the basic, dry facts of them: dates (birth, marriage, death); their relationship to us. Then their geography (where did they happen; what were their movements). We interview extended family members for their recollections, oral histories, and perhaps personal documentation. We search the public records in federal / state / local archives: census reports for each decade; wartime service records; business directories; newspaper articles: state and local bureaus of official records. We search the ancestry data resources available.

The stories in the history books find a place on our desk. When we begin to connect the stories and events and dates within the school textbooks to our emerging genealogical landscape, our accumulated names gradually come alive as “real people.” People who were part of the historical story; historical stories that were lived by the people. Over time, our own life begins to expand. Expands beyond one’s usual day-to-day existence, our usual focus on ourselves as the center of the Universe. Connection with our ancestors helps us share connection and space with our contemporary companions.

Each step, each contact, in the genealogical journey yields more pieces to the ancestral puzzle, yet also another research step to be undertaken. Until a trail runs cold, and the next ancestor in the line disappears, apparently lost into time. At which time we start down a new trail and repeat the process. For all its time demands and inevitable frustrations, it is a highly rewarding journey. If you are a White American. Preferably of Western European descent.

If you are an African-American setting out on a genealogy journey, you will likely travel a very different trip than the one described above. Many of the above resources and official records created between 1900 and the present would be available, whether one’s ancestors came to America post-1900 or before. But “story information” could be harder to come by, given how much Black history in the 20^th Century has been buried and under-reported until fairly recently.  If you had ancestors in America during the post-Civil War / Reconstruction / 1865-1900 period, resources and information could be a mixed picture. Black Americans were just beginning to be “officially” recognized as individuals in the Census recordings, the Vital Statistics records, school records, etc., but it would be very hit-and-miss depending on one’s individual situation within the Jim Crow racial segregation and  oppression framework.

But it is the Civil War that rings down the genealogical curtain, hiding an unseen civilization behind its silence, a curtain rarely raised except for perhaps a quick peek. In the 245 years that Black America was also slavery America, Black Americans were treated as non-human beings. There were no birth certificates. If given a name, it would be one determined by the slave owner. Death was routinely burial in a mass, unmarked grave, its occupants identified by no headstones. If recorded in one of the census listings, a slave could be noted as simply one of a number – e.g. “6 slaves,” individually unidentified, familial relationships unstated, perhaps even with a dollar value assigned. Further, our Constitution directed that slaves be only counted as “3/5 of a person” for government representation. In short, slaves were legally considered on the same par as farm livestock, sold and bought at public auction, “property” literally chained to their owner, their existence found (if at all) only in commercial records, not government recordkeeping. These antebellum Black Americans may have been highly visible in the flesh given their numbers, but the acknowledgment and substantiation of their existence was invisible, lost to time. They are known only in the collective, except perhaps the few “family oral histories” that have survived.

“Heritage” is the accumulated stories of our ancestors reflecting their times and events. Stories often only partially true, historical snippets that selectively pick out the “good stuff” while ignoring uncomfortable omissions. But that is intellectually and ethically dishonest: we have to take the good together with the bad before we can properly claim “our heritage.” They are also stories handed down over potentially long periods of time, increasingly impassioned with each tick of the clock.

There is much talk these days about “our heritage,” and the need to preserve and defend it from supposed attack (e.g. the “cancel culture” movement). The first problem with this call to arms is that most people cannot define what their heritage is. At best, we get those romanticized ideas that quickly come to one’s mind. The second problem is, whose heritage are we referencing? White southern history; Black southern history; New England history; Southwestern frontier history? Asian- / Italian- / Scottish- / Middle East-American history? Each person, each group, has a unique heritage story. These stories, collectively and interwoven, form America’s collective and complete heritage. Which is why, when we talk about our own personal heritage, we are obligated to remember that our personal heritage is not everyone’s heritage. My story includes soldiers on both the North and South side of the Civil War. So whom do I honor? What is my heritage? Black heritage is not my personal heritage, but my personal heritage interacts with Black heritage to create America’s heritage.

Can it be that the outcry we hear today about “protecting our heritage” is not from the fear of potential loss? Rather, could it be the growing pains of our national heritage expanding to include our many heritages trying to live together? What I feel confident in saying is that there is no White American who has an ancestor that was bought, chained, sold, forcibly separated from family, and lived an undocumented life with no legal rights as a free human being, and no safety protection from the State. My heritage is not your heritage. But they are our shared heritage.

©   2021  Randy Bell              https://OurSpiritualWay.blogspot.com

 

Advice Regarding Advice

Advice. People have been giving and receiving advice ever since the first human beings arose on this earth. There are people more than willing to offer their opinions on a host of topics regarding what one should think and do, and others more than happy to receive said opinions. They can be opinions on major life decisions, or a simple task now in process over the next five minutes, and everything in between.

Structurally, there are two sources of advice available to us: “Institutional Advice,” and “Individual Advice.” Institutional Advice comes from three principal providers: Government, though its constitutions, laws and regulations; Religion/Church, through its formal dogma, rituals, and sacred writings; and Culture/Society, through its codes of acceptable conduct within one’s group. We may not think of these institutions as true “advice givers,” but rather as the necessary and acceptable mechanisms for holding group societies together. But given that – for better or worse – humans can accept or deny these various institutional rules, and decide whether to follow them or not regardless of any societal punishments, then realistically all of these institutional expectations are ultimately simply advice from which we make our life choices.

Then there are the more familiar Individual Advice Givers. They are the friends, family, sometimes even strangers who give us their perspective on some issue or activity with which we are engaged. The fundamental goal is to help the Advice Receiver find from within him-/herself the solutions and decisions appropriate to him/her; it is all about Self-discovery. When done well and with purity of intention, such advice can be very helpful to us as we plod our way through our daily lives. For the Advice Giver, it can be personally satisfying that one’s experiences and opinions have some value worth sharing, and satisfying to know that one has been helpful to another human being. For the Advice Receiver, the ability to share one’s burdens, and having the benefit of wider experiences from which to draw, can ease the burden of one’s personal decision-making. But when done poorly and with impurity of intention by either party, advice can make our already complicated and difficult life even more problematic; a potential gift from the emergence of one’s latent creativity may be forever lost. There are four key scenarios that disrupt well-intentioned and effective giving and receiving of advice, and can in fact create personal friction in the relationship between Giver and Receiver.

1. Receiver: “What would you do [in this situation or problem]?” What I would do if facing your challenges is speculation on my part, because I am not actually facing your very real challenges in your very real circumstances. So my imagined solutions would be theoretical at best. My desired outcomes are not necessarily appropriate to your aspirations. The real question is, what are you trying to accomplish? What I think I might do is irrelevant to your decision-making, other than perhaps illustrating some options that you might consider for yourself.

2. Receiver: “What would you do if you were me?” or Giver: “If I were you I would …”: I am not you. My life experiences, goals, priorities, and circumstances are different than yours. My current situation may have similarities with yours, but overall our lives are significantly different. Without strong restraint, I will wind up describing what I would do for ME, not you. The best I can do in this scenario is to surround my reply with full disclosure of how I reached that conclusion for me. Thereby, you can determine whether my decision considerations and objectives have any relevance to your aspirations and concerns.

3. Receiver: “What should I do?” I do not know. I cannot possibly know. What I do know is that this question turns the conversation on its head. It effectively allows the Receiver to surrender control and responsibility for making his/her own personal decisions. We each have to make our own call in response to the challenges we encounter. We each need to take advantage of the opportunities for personal growth, maturity, and learning that come with making and assessing our decisions. As tempting as it may be in the moment, those opportunities are lost when the Receiver avoids the decision and leaves it to others to determine instead.

4. Giver: “You should ...” The two killer words in any advice discussion. Nothing of real value comes from any words that follow after. The Giver has moved from a position of “helper” to one of control, of dominance over the Receiver. In turn, the Receiver has moved either into a position of subservience towards “going along with the should,” or defensiveness in order to retain the integrity of his/her Self. This is no longer a conversation, but a lecture. It is not to be mistaken for advice, but rather a treat for the ego of the Giver.

There is one check that is helpful to measure whether our intention as an Advice Giver is in its proper place. When we give advice, it is critically important that we detach ourselves from the advice itself. That we retain no sense of expectation or judgment as to whether the Receiver takes our advice or not. We were asked for our thoughts and opinion. We gave same. If we take personally the Receiver’s ultimate decision, and are miffed if s/he goes another direction, then we know that we actually attempted to make the conversation about us, not the Receiver. The goal was for us to be humbly helpful to another in their struggle by finding where their heart and mind are leading them. It was not supposed to be about our own wonderfulness, the superiority of our knowledge and supposed wisdom, and our life instead of theirs.

Which brings us to the final overriding and cautionary axiom for Advice Givers: THE WORST ADVICE THERE IS, IS UNSOLICITED ADVICE. Advice giving is a response function, not a self-initiated function. Sometimes the best advice is to say nothing at all, but to just listen; minding our own business can often be the best advice we can offer. Often, what people really want is just to be heard. If our egos really call us to offer advice not requested, then we would do well to at least first ask the permission of the Receiver as to whether s/he wants it.

This is my unsolicited Advice Regarding Advice.

(With thanks to a special meditation group for stimulating this essay.)

©    2021   Randy Bell                        https://OurSpiritualWay.blogspot.com

 

A Time For Thanks

 It has been a while – too long a while – since I posted an essay on this spiritual blog. Like many others, my attention this year has been on the many difficult social/ political/health events occurring all around me, threatening many things that I hold dear and special. It has been an exhausting and emotionally draining time. Now, as some of these currents began to slowly ebb, it is a time to begin to restore and rebalance ourselves for what lies ahead, even as that “ahead” may continue to be vague and ill-defined. We have much work to do in order to heal the pains and divisions that have so consumed our society these past several years, a task that can seem overwhelming. But we must try. We must re-find our sense of confidence, our trust in one another, our belief in our spiritual drive towards “betterment” and “can do” that has always driven us. Perhaps, in spite of the many negative feelings we may have accumulated of late, a new beginning can start with recognizing and expressing our thanks to some of those people – our neighbors – who have voluntarily stepped up to the plate at a time when most needed.

So we give thanks to the health care workers, working overtime on the front lines of a seemingly unstoppable killer virus, fighting to save the sick and afflicted. In hospitals, make-shift medical tents, nursing homes, manning long lines at drive-through testing centers. Doctors, nurses, maintenance and support staff, EMT/emergency personnel, working together with too often inadequate supports from government and industry. Constantly facing too large a swath of the public that disavows the danger (“a hoax”) of Covid-19 and flagrantly refuses to cooperate with preventive measures – until they wind up in the care of those exhausted health workers. Health workers burnt out from having turned the switch on life-sustaining machinery to “OFF” too many times, working among the over-extended, often make-shift ICU beds. We thank them.

So we give thanks to the families of the sick, separated from their loved ones, unable to hold their hands or say words of comfort to them as their breaths of life slide slowly away. Loved ones taken too soon, too unexpectedly. Leaving behind torn and devastated families searching for some understandable reason that they can wrap their arms around – all the while working to hold the family together as it moves forward to its new future. We thank those families for their examples of resilience and courage.

So we give thanks to the parents of all our young children as they try to adapt their lives – and their children’s lives – to a constantly changing environment. Schools open / semi-open / closed / doing remote learning. Parents providing ad hoc make-shift home care, while trying to maintain careers and/or functioning in new “home workplaces.” We thank these parents as they endure the many strains of parenthood within love, each day finding new ways to “figure it out,” within circumstances never envisioned.

So we give thanks to teachers and educational staff who are continually adapting to new programs, new rules, new methodologies, new schedules for teaching America’s children – children who are also part of the “teachers’ children.” The commitment of these teachers to support their students – both intellectually and emotionally – through their extraordinary efforts represents the best of their profession. We thank these teachers for their devotion to the littlest among us.

So we give thanks to those who may be threatened with, or are currently, out of work, and the owners of small businesses unable to stay open. They are our neighbors who spend each day in worry as they make constant decisions about where the food will come from, how needed medical care will be obtained, whether they may become homeless. And on the behalf those people, we give thanks for the many volunteers manning the food banks and thrift stores, and people raising funds or creating special programs of support. We thank those people donating money or goods to help these many others in need.

So we give thanks to the many election staff and volunteer poll workers who showed up to ensure that our democracy held together in spite of the health crisis. To accommodate record-setting voter numbers, processes were created ad hoc as needed. In spite of threats of violence at the polls, and overt political pressures and attempted anti-voting antics by those who should know better, there was no violence. There was no fraud. There were just people committed to exercising their right to vote and run their own country. We thank both voters and poll workers.

So we give thanks to those public officials and government service workers who, in a time when public responsibility and the Constitutional rule of law have teetered on the brink of collapse, have stood up and reasserted their oath of office. We recognize that, for many, such “standing up” has been injurious to their financial well-being and/or reputation. We thank them for their courage to act nonetheless, and for thereby inspiring us to act accordingly.

So we give thanks to the genuine “essential workers,” those many often-invisible people whose work allows the rest of us to do what we do, to live the life of “new normalcy” that we are experiencing. The farmers, grocery workers, food workers, sanitation workers, gas station providers, bank/ATM personnel, pharmacists, home repairers, and countless under-appreciated others who are keeping our society running while we sort this all out. We thank them all for their unheralded contributions.

Certainly we feel these desperate times all too acutely, tired and frustrated by its seeming insolvability and interminableness. But at this year’s Thanksgiving dinner table, regardless of the empty chairs and smaller numbers, we would do well to remember and acknowledge those to whom our thanks are due. Those original Pilgrims feasted not because times were great. They feasted because they had faced hardship and had come through it, scathed but survived. Having faith in each other, and the confidence in the always inevitable greatest good, we will do the same.

As has been said, the sun is a ways shining, even when it hides behind the clouds.  It is on us to have the steadiness and patience to wait for our time when the clouds will inevitably clear.

©   2020   Randy Bell             https://OurSpiritualWay.blogspot.com

Our Family Stories

Around 30 years ago, I decided to take up the adventure of tracing my family history. As others have found, this exercise can be a far-reaching, ever-expanding, near-consuming endeavor; a descent into a series of black holes and dead-end brick walls as one continually opens new doors of never-ending inquiry. But it is also one of the highly rewarding things we can do in our lifetime, to see ourselves placed within the context of many others.

There are three levels of discovery that come from family research. The first level is the basic facts of one’s family: names, birth and death dates, places; the vertical and horizontal relationships and entanglements among each other. The second level is learning their individual stories: how they lived, what transpired, what journeys they traveled. The third level is placing the experiences of their lives within the larger historical context occurring around them, sweeping them up, molding and guiding their lives beyond what may have been their choice.

Currently, over 1200 unique names make up my genealogical family of the last 400 hundred years, with varying levels of detail known about their lives. As I occasionally reflect on their lives and times in relation to my life and time, several themes arise.

To my knowledge, not one member of my genealogical family was ever lynched in a vigilante hanging, or burned alive tied to a tree while an “audience” applauded. Not one person was ever the property of another, committed to a lifetime of unpaid service with no say in the matter. Since the founding of America, not one man – and since 1920 not one woman – has been openly denied the right to vote or run for office based on their skin color, country of origin, educational level or wealth. Since the late 1800s, all were entitled to a basic and equal education paid for at public expense. All of the men could choose to serve their country in the military and advance through rank based upon their service and abilities; my great-great-great-grandfather fought in the Revolutionary War to create a united America; my great-great-grandfather fought in the Confederate Army to try to break the country into two parts; both of their stories are a part of me. Some of my genealogical family were discriminated against in their jobs/careers due to their national origin, but over time they gradually broke through those barriers. My genealogical family was free to travel the country, settle where they chose, live in any section of town they could afford. When they encountered law enforcement officials or the judicial court system, they intuitively presumed they would be treated fairly and respectfully, with equal process as given to all others; generally their intuition was not disappointed. My father never felt the need to give me special instructions on how to act if I was stopped by the police. These are some of my family stories, experiences and cultural heritage. They are most certainly not everyone’s stories.

As I moved into adulthood, the life expectations I took for granted were not necessarily the expectations others could take for granted. Doors of opportunity were opened for me all my life if I demonstrated competency; others had doors slammed shut even before getting the chance to show their skills and talents. The three pillars of access, education, and resources helped me “get ahead” in the world; the absence of these have been barriers to a better life for many. I left my hometown and its high school with generally good memories, and the confidence that I was well-prepared to take on whatever life adventure I would choose. I am doubtful that my contemporaneous Black graduates at the segregated Lincoln High School – which sat next to their limited and restricted housing enclave across town – had comparable memories, or felt the same preparation and opportunities for their dreams of their upcoming life.

Family histories are more than just names and dates. They are the times families lived in and were affected by. They are stories long told, of good times and bad times and sometimes horrific times, handed down and reinforced over generations and centuries, even if now in just fragments of memories. Stories that continue to permeate the thinking, expectations, and instinctive reactions of persons today. Too often we judge others based upon our own life experiences, which likely bear little resemblance to the experiences of others – experiences we know little or nothing about. We all live in a bubble of our own family experience, and our bubbles are not the same. Yet when we take the time to puncture these bubbles, we can find a common core that can be shared.

We know so little, have such a superficial knowledge, of each other. Yet it only requires some time and sincere effort on our part to really listen to one another. To hear the Family Stories that have shaped who we are. To assume someone has lived a different life than ours, and thereby has naturally arrived at different conclusions. To break out of our insulating, protective bubble. It is only through such listening that we can find the unity of our humanity. Why do we make acceptance of each other, respect for each other, friendship with each other, so hard?

©   2020   Randy Bell             https://OurSpiritualWay.blogspot.com

An Afternoon Walk

I just got home from a short walk in my neighborhood on this last Saturday in March 2020. Such a walk has not generally been a part of my daily routine. But with Covid-19 keeping everyone home, and my regular gym at the nearby YMCA closed due to the shutdown, it seems like a reasonable temporary substitute for daily exercise. It is not a long walk due to my physical limitations. But it provides a challenge to be accomplished, a beneficial movement of the body, and makes the chocolate chip cookie reward at the end even more satisfying.

On this particular day, we are experiencing a summer day preview: sunny, in the mid-80s, expected to last for a couple of days more. Then it will be back into the normal mid-50s/60s mountain temperatures, with more rain. It was a very mild winter, but I am still glad to have that season behind us.

We are preparing for a statewide “stay at home” order on Monday 5pm, though we are already in a county/city version of the same. During this walk I was struck by the abnormal silence of the city. Minimal traffic on the roads, a few people out for a walk or jog, keeping a safe distance as they pass one another. Meanwhile, the sights and sounds of the birds are more than happy to fill the air space. The garden plants are gradually peeking out to fill the eye space, perhaps dwarfed by the cascade of colors from the rainbow of fruit trees that make their appearance at this time. There is much to see and hear that is normally missed in our hurried busyness. Humanity thrashes around in its self-made chaos; Nature follows its own timeline and routines relatively undisturbed.

In the quiet of that stroll, there is time and space to think. To listen to my thoughts – thoughts different than those that arise during a formal mediation sit on the cushion. The pandemic virus seeks to consume much of our thinking time and energy. I feel the unavoidable concern about my own well-being, yet offset by a calm that says “do only what you can do when you can” – deal with what comes as it comes. Planning is good, but too many “what ifs” are not helpful.

I am aware of feeling intense anger at the erratic conduct of our President, his pettiness and complete avoidance of taking responsibility for anything. His untrue information. His lack of a cogent and coordinated plan. His ineffectiveness in directing badly needed resources and support to where it is needed most. But then that anger is replaced by a calmness and pride when I consider all the people stepping up – either in their official capacity or simply ad hoc, voluntary  responses. Governors, mayors, county/city officials, health care providers, CDC scientists speaking truth. Public service employees keeping our infrastructure running. Law enforcement officials, and numerous first responders. Meanwhile, the overriding priority is to remember the anonymous sick, the faceless statistics often known only to their family and loved ones, lying alone in their bed, in pain and trying to stay alive, accompanied only by the medical workers trying to keep them alive in the face of too many falsely-raised hopes and broken promises. The lament continues unendingly: where are the test kits, the masks, the ventilators?

We also need to acknowledge the everyday citizens responding to what is being asked of them. Voluntarily cooperating in what is a massive upheaval to their lives – emotionally, economically, professionally, socially, and daily family life. Most are improvising, making it up as they go into a future filled with blind spots. Doing what needs to be done, adapting on the fly, all because they care. Care about each other. Care about their connection to others. And thereby, their responsibilities to each other. Individually and together, they make us proud.

I have written before about our connection to one another, most recently an essay on this blogsite “A Slice Of Toast” (12/10/2019). Across the globe, for the last several years we have been experiencing a drive to separate ourselves from one another. To hunker down in our own cultural and geographic pockets and keep out those who are not like us. When this pandemic virus finally passes – which it ultimately will – things will not be the same. There will be much retrospective analysis needed, questions to ask, lessons to learn.

One of those biggest lessons will most certainly be a reaffirmation of our connection, our interdependence to one another. Indeed, our connection to all forms of life, and the gift of Nature that makes it all possible. Covid-19 knows no borders. Differentiates no race or ethnic group. Endorses no religion. Ignores variations of age, gender, and lifestyles. None of these labels affirms or exempts us. We can choose to respond by separating out of fear, or coming together out of love. Underneath our words, our practices, our costumes, our skin, we are all fundamentally the same. Equally vulnerable, equally of great potential accomplishment, equally in need of each other to survive and thrive. It appears that we need to continue to be reminded of that periodically.

These were my thoughts on a quiet spring afternoon’s walk. What will you think about on your next afternoon’s walk?

©   2020   Randy Bell             https://OurSpiritualWay.blogspot.com

My New Year's Wish

With a changing of the yearly calendar, this is the time when expressions of “Happy New Year” and “Best Wishes for the New Year” abound. For many, it is also an opportunity for a time of reflection on events past, an assessment of time present, and determination of directions to pursue in the forthcoming year. In that spirit of reflection, assessment, and determination, I offer some ideas that may be appropriate for your consideration.

My New Year’s wish is that we reflect upon our myriad ancestors and their stories, some known to us yet most unknown, whose widely varied lives made our lives possible in this time, place, and setting – we are because they were.

My New Year’s wish is that we strive to see our parents simply as the non-idealized adults that they are/were, with their own everyday struggles reflecting their own life experiences, that we may see them through the adult eyes of our present rather than the childhood eyes of our past, a key to living in the present not the past.

My New Year’s wish is that we thank our extended family for the lessons and experiences of our childhood, some magical, some difficult, that brought us to the threshold of our adulthood and sent us on the path we have subsequently chosen to live.

My New Year’s wish is that we prioritize time for our immediate family, for the love and presence that they give us as we struggle to hold them close, yet free them to live and fulfill their own destinies.

My New Year’s wish is that we remember our many friends encountered over the years, some but for a moment in time, others still traveling with us on our journey, some more honest or dependable than others, but all serving to enrich the life that we are living.

My New Year’s wish is that we recall the many teachers that have helped to guide our lives, some in formal teaching roles and others simply by their presence in our lives, some teaching from their knowledge, some inspiring by their example, all providing a foundation upon which we seek to build a “next generation.”

My New Year’s wish is that we acknowledge and respect the many mentors who have reached out to us, and opened opportunities and smoothed our way, whether intentionally or by happenstance, without whom our life would have meandered in wholly different directions with far different results.

My New Year’s wish is that we come to embrace the challenges and regrets that have occurred on our journey, some smaller bumps in the road, others extraordinarily difficult to pass through, many of which resulted in positive outcomes only seen well after the moment.

My New Year’s wish is that we learn to live comfortably with persons seemingly not like ourselves, to have respectful conversations of differing opinions, and to no longer see each other as different but as diverse reflections of the vast creative breadth of God’s Universe.

My New Year’s wish is that we allow ourselves to have big dreams, the confidence to strive for them, the ability to ignore the many naysayers, and the courage to manifest them into our own unbridled joy.

My New Year’s wish is that, as a result of this time of reflection, assessment, and determination, we reconnect with our true inner self, the self that transcends our daily life and our many roles, thereby infusing the spirituality of our being within all that we do and to all whom we encounter.

©   2020   Randy Bell                         https://OurSpiritualWay.blogspot.com

A Slice Of Toast

“When we try to take out one thing,

we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.”

—John Muir, western U.S. conservationist

We are a unique person in this world, different from all others. We like thinking of ourselves as being unique, even as we may struggle to identify that which makes us unique and then genuinely live that uniqueness. But uniqueness can feel quite lonely, as our uniqueness also works to separate us all from all others, from all things surrounding us. That separation thereby creates barriers that oppose our concurrent desire for community. It is Community that gives us the sense of Connection to all that surrounds our life, and mitigates that aloneness we seek to avoid, that we often fear. Yet Community demands that we surrender some measure of our uniqueness by seeing and accepting our Commonality. Our uniqueness is actually only partial, a piece, of a life that otherwise is shared with, and common to, others. Our life is a balancing act. Our lives are built on a foundation common to all; our uniqueness flourishes in the manner in which we live our daily lives. It is in discovering, and living from, that common core, that our connection to one another will be found.

We are connected in myriad ways. For example, look closely at the construction of our bodies. The miracle of the human form is a series of separate body parts, cells, organs and fluids. Each component has a distinct purpose and job, all intricately interconnected together to make it work – mostly without our conscious awareness or doing anything. It just happens. All of the parts create the singular whole. Are we the parts? Or are we the whole? The elegant design of our interconnected body sets the theme for our interconnection with all that is in the world.

Look outside our physical self. When I fix a slice of toast for my morning breakfast, do I stop to reflect on how many people, and how many individual steps, were required for that toast to show up on my plate? The farmer that sowed the seed and grew the grain and harvested the result – all thanks to Nature who provided the dirt, the seed, the sunshine, the rain, the bumblebee that interacted to allow the grain to grow. The grain wholesaler who received the grain and then hired the driver to deliver the grain in a truck to the baker – a truck made by hundreds of people in the parts and materials chain. The baker that combined the grain with the other needed ingredients – each of which separately followed a similar creation and delivery process performed by similar people – to bake the bread. The next driver who carried the baked bread in his/her truck to the grocery store, the various workers who received the bread and put it on the shelves for us to carry it to the counter person to pay for it. The people and materials who built the car in which we took it home, to be put into the stove (manufactured by still others) that runs on gas/electricity  provided by numerous utility workers.

All of these people and steps need to come together in order for that simple piece of toast to appear on our breakfast plate. If we should then choose to add some jam onto that toast, the entire cycle is repeated. We must now consider all these additional people who have to get involved for our benefit, just for that little extra added pleasure. It makes for a very large crowd gathered around our dining table.

All rivers from which we drink ultimately flow to the one ocean that circumnavigates the earth – one interconnected ocean in spite of the intangible names by which we separate them. All of the air we breathe moves uninterrupted across man-made borders, respecting no boundaries – the woman in Oklahoma sneezes and the man in China says “god bless you.” It is by taking the time to look behind the curtain of our uniqueness that we find the many Connections that truly make our life possible. Make our life worthwhile.

We are not alone in this world, even when we may think we are. For all the people, things and tasks that go into supporting us, we are also simultaneously part of many similar webs that support others. The obligation is on us to think about, to acknowledge, to connect to all those people and things that make our life possible – in whatever form we may choose to live it. We will always give attention to living our individual life. But it is only when we live a life connected to all things that we can experience God’s life – the life we are intended to follow.

We are each singular; we are all plural. Interconnected with all things – human, non-human, inanimate. Like the pebble thrown into the lake, the ever-expanding ripple effects of my life ultimately reach far beyond that which I can see. I am one; I am all. The whole of the Universe can be found in a simple slice of toast.

“How are we?”

—Bishop Desmond Tutu, from traditional African greeting of Connection

©   2019   Randy Bell             https://OurSpiritualWay.blogspot.com

A Lifetime Of Change

My great aunt, Bertie Ardelle Lee, was born in 1880. She died in 1974, having lived a full life of 94 years. Over the years, I have often thought about what her lifetime encompassed, the vastly different experiences she encountered, and the extraordinary changes that occurred in America and the world – all bookended by the dates on her tombstone.

She was born into an era of Conestoga wagons and horse-drawn buggies, and sailboats and paddlewheel ships. The railroad had only recently connected the two coasts, bringing a new option for travelers and the distribution of agricultural and manufactured goods. Combined with the telegraph wires running alongside the train tracks, intra-national communication could now be accomplished in days, rather than months.

In Aunt Bertie’s childhood years, the telephone would arrive, allowing real-time conversation across ever-increasing distances. As a young married woman, she heard about human beings flying in the air, and watched silent movies (“flickers”) in awe. As a fulltime mom, she sat in her living room listening to the squeaking sounds of news and entertainment out of a box they called a “radio,” or scratchy music playing on “the Victrola.”  Electric lights replaced the flames of candlelight and the dangerous gas and oil lamps; automobiles replaced horse-drawn wagons, thereby displacing most blacksmiths and wagon-manufacturers.

In her middle through late ages, she lived through the prosperity and excesses of the Jazz Age, the economic collapse and poverty of the Great Depression, followed by the greatest expansion of middle-class economic growth and distributed prosperity due to the post-WWII boom recovery. The big changes of her early life moved into their 2^nd- and 3^rd-generation product cycle: silent movies became “talkies”; expanded automobile ownership led to new roads crisscrossing the nation; rotary dialing phones replaced switchboard operators. Television almost bankrupted the radio and movie industries. Air travel – begun 20 years after her birth – went from novelty solo flights into airlines moving passengers great distances in short timelines; five years before her death, two men landed on the moon. Over the course of her life, she also lived through five American wars.

Perhaps the biggest and most affecting change for Aunt Bertie came in the arena of social change, and the push to expand true civil rights and equality for all. Born in northern Alabama, the daughter of a Confederate Civil War veteran, surrounded by a post-Reconstruction / Jim Crow segregated culture and legal system, she was steeped in the ways of the Old South. As a young bride, she moved to western Arkansas with its familiar system of African-American segregation in schools, housing, public accommodations and services, along with limited voting and legal rights. She became a local leader of the United Daughters of the Confederacy, an organization dedicated to preserving “the old ways” and glorifying “the Lost Cause.” I had left my hometown by the time the various civil rights movements (e.g. African-Americans, women, gays) exploded into the nation’s consciousness in the 1960s, so I never had an opportunity to talk with her about whether she had moved away from her cultural heritage. Besides, these were not conversations that one tended to have in family social gatherings – Jim Crow being nurtured by a conspiracy of silence. Regardless of what her thinking might have come to be, I suspect that an African-American being elected President 35 years after her death would have been beyond her capacity to even envision, much less comprehend.

I have written often about constant change being an inherent and unavoidable aspect of the human story. Little today is what it was yesterday, nor what it will be tomorrow. The only substantive discussion is how different the change will be, and how prepared one will be to respond to it. Some changes are self-initiated by an intent to alter the specifics of our life and to proactively move toward those alterations. Others are brought on by outside agents of change: nature, social convention, the aging process, cultural movements, decision-makers, or the spiritual Universe. Some change happens due to our being part of a larger group; others are personal to us individually. Whether sourced internally or externally, our reactions can be either positive and welcoming, or negative and defensive, yet are often fearful when anticipating as yet unknown outcomes. At times we simply dig in our heels and adopt a “stand pat” posture – a bulwark of resistance to the impending change – either because we disagree with the change calling to us, or this latest change is just one too many to take on.

I have seen many changes during my lifetime. But my changes pale in comparison to what Aunt Bertie experienced. From Conestogas to the moon, the world she was born into seems irreconcilable with the one she left behind a lifetime later. The reality is that each living thing, and all civilizations, move over time. The lifestyle, cultural environments, and beliefs we are so enamored with today will virtually disappear within a few short generations, so we should not unduly be held captive by them. Our changes can be cumulatively dramatic; some prove to be minor blips. Prioritizing the changes we take on; letting the little ones go by; keeping our life structures flexible and adaptable; remembering that all life is fleeting. These are tools that help us steady the boat as we navigate the windstorms of our life Changes. This fundamental movement of Change is simply the inherent way of things. So at any given moment, towards what will we choose to redirect our life?

©   2019   Randy Bell             https://OurSpiritualWay.blogspot.com

Of Toothbrushes And Toothpaste

The news from America’s southern border continues to go from bad to worse. After all the efforts yielding minimal results over the past two years, now it is the children – infants through grade schoolers – living in 3^rd-world squalor without basic sanitary provisions, sleeping on concrete floors. Many hundreds of kids locked up in cages, sequestered in an out-of-the-way facility designed for a fraction of that number, its contents kept secret.

I fully accept that rational rules and processes should be in place to regulate admission into this country. I also believe that our obligation is to use those rules and processes to facilitate how many immigrants we are able to bring in, not use them as a barrier to keeping people out. This posture is in the spirit of the ancestors of each of us who immigrated into this country from across the world, seeking the better life and opportunities that America has always stood for – albeit an ideal not always practiced in fact. Though I continue to have hope that long in the future our aspirations for a world free of fear and filled with compassion for one another may be fulfilled, I also accept that, in today’s world, adult human beings are still capable of inflicting the most monstrous injustices and pain among one another.

But infant and growing children have no inherent predisposition towards inflicting injustice and pain. Yet they are all too often on the receiving end of such. Regardless of the decisions their parents may have made; regardless of whether we agree or disagree with such things as a “family separation policy”; these children have become the innocent pawns in an unconscionable adult immorality play. If this kind of childhood suffering was the result of some weather disaster or other emergency, FEMA, the Red Cross, religious organizations, charity groups, and other “ad hoc do-gooders” would be all over these victims, calling attention to their plight while bringing aid, comfort and needed supplies. Instead, these groups are nowhere to be seen. Our government claims “there is no money to cover these needs.” Yet boxes of donated goods sit unopened at border gates, while government attorneys awkwardly try to convince a skeptical panel of federal judges that toothbrushes and toothpaste, soap and a bath, and clean clothing are not really required for children.

This situation is beyond malicious. It is cruel and inhumane treatment towards a group of human beings unable to speak for, or defend, themselves. We can let the adults continue to act out their political stagecraft and carry on their interminable intellectual debates and speak their untruths. But let every American parent take responsibility for the care of the children that have been entrusted to our care – regardless of how they got here.

This is not an argument about immigration. These actions are a moral argument, a challenge to the truth (or not) of our professed national character and our personal religious values that admonish us to “care for the children and the orphans.” Whatever our political fights, taking it out on the babies is indefensible. For those who say they are committed to the right of each child to be born, Part 2 of that commitment is ensuring that each child is then protected, nourished, and developed regardless of his/her circumstances or nationality.

Yesterday I mailed an envelope with a copy of this essay, along with a small toothbrush and tube of toothpaste, to the President of the United States. That envelope and its contents will not solve this travesty. But if that envelope should make it through the mail check process (questionable), maybe someone will notice and care. Maybe some White House aide will send it along to some scared, lonely, bewildered kid who needs it. Because we are better than this. Better than the decisions we are making. The collective heart of the American people is, and has always been, far better than this.

©   2019   Randy Bell               https://OurSpiritualWay.blogspot.com

What Are We Afraid Of?

Fear. It is the dominant emotion of our life. It is the primary driver for our decision-making, the basis for our reactive actions in response to life’s circumstances. While love is our aspiration and can serve as our defense against our fears, fear and love exist in a synchronized dance with each other, rising and falling like playmates on a playground see-saw. One is in ascendance while the other is in decendance, reversing from moment to moment, event to event.

We fear tangible things we can see: a wild animal, a gun in the hand of a stranger, a venomous insect. We fear intangible phobias to which we give pseudo-substance: fear of germs, of heights, of confined spaces. We fear mental constructs that upset our sense of being: the loss of a job, being socially unaccepted, our lack of status. Fear of inflicted physical pain – indeed loss of life itself – creates mental pain; mental pain can create physical pain. Mind and body each feeds on one another.

Our laundry list of fears – unique to each of us – continues to grow unendingly. Some of these have been with us for so long, we are barely cognizant of them, perhaps do not even see them as “fears.” They have become part of our life, a structural component of our lifestyle, rituals we perform daily. But are we truly a melting pot of many fears that permeate our life? Or are these familiar acquaintances simply the emotional children of a few overriding fears, emerging from an original well that is our more fundamental source?

Ever since human beings emerged on this planet, we have all begun our lives in the same manner. From our earliest cell form growing into a fully developed infant, we exist physically connected to an enclosed, protective environment totally constructed to meet our needs. We are nourished on demand with no conscious effort on our part. Then, abruptly, we are delivered into a wholly different environment, the one in which we will spend the rest of our human life. A life no longer physically attached to its protective habitat, where little of our needs are met and come to us automatically.

In that one instant of change, our life is turned upside down and redefined. In that moment, our three fundamental fears are also birthed: 1) we are alone, no longer interconnected to our world, a tiny speck in a Universe vast beyond our comprehension; 2) we are powerless to defend, much less nourish, ourselves; 3) by accepting the opportunity of life, we concurrently accept the reality of our death at some unknown moment. At birth, we are now dependent on the willingness of others for our survival, our cries for attention the only tool in our arsenal. The scope of our absolute aloneness, our helplessness, our littleness, our temporariness overwhelms us. The shock of that recognition is more than we can absorb as an infant. So these fundamental fears give rise to the litany of simpler, more identifiable fears that grow out of the seedbed of our subsequent individual life experiences. Fear begets fears which intensifies fear.

And so we hold strangers at bay until they prove themselves worthy of our trust. We band together, with people similar to ourselves, in groups – social clubs, neighborhoods, tribes, cities, nations – believing that there is “safety in numbers.” We fight with our society in various forms of competition or control, believing “a good offense is the best defense” to keep our fears at bay. Or conversely, we build fortresses of conventional lifestyles within which we hope to go unnoticed and unthreatened. We erect monuments to our Truths, and marble statues to our Self, intending that “this is who I am” will be our armor against opposing assaults.

In the end, none of these fear-based strategies truly work for us. The more we rely on them, the more they wear us down (mentally and physically), increase our isolation, and reduce our sense of self-sustainability. That is when we are called to make the real choice – whether our life will be lived in fear, or whether it will be lived in love. Love that accepts that which is different; has confidence in providing for ourselves; and recognizes that the list of genuine fears is indeed quite small. “Common sense” decisions about reasonable risk replace the paralyzing power of fear.

It is in recognizing from where our daily fears come that the opportunity arises to defuse them. In that moment, we are no longer alone, we are no longer powerless, our death is yet one more of our many transitions. In that moment, our freedom of thought and action arises within. In that moment, we begin to truly live.

©   2019   Randy Bell             https://www.OurSpiritualWay.blogspot.com

The Self-Made Myth

“I’ve been on food stamps and welfare. Did anybody help me out? No, No.” —Craig T. Nelson, actor

Americans love their Horatio Alger stories. Written in the late 19^th century, these are the stories of the singular individual overcoming obstacles, surmounting disadvantages, often from lowly beginnings, toiling out of view, yet rising to personal accomplishments and success. These multiple stories came to serve as inspirational motivators and icons embedded in our shared cultural framework. The lonely western cowboy standing watch over his herd; the Mercury astronaut circling the globe; the tinkerer crafting revolutionary inventions in his/her garage; the unseen student studying in the library to earn that elusive scholarship. “Pulling one up by their bootstraps” is the opportunity that still lives proudly in America.

Persons who succeed beyond their starting point, who contribute significantly to the betterment of their community, that advance through hard work performed within an ethical focus, are certainly worthy of admiration. But to say that that person is “self-made,” that s/he did it “all on my own,” is not only false in every case, but is also dangerous. Dangerous to the individual; dangerous to the community in which s/he lives.

It may sometimes seem that some of our good fortune is simply an “accident” of time, place and circumstances (although spiritually we might question how much the Universe may have had a hand in our outcomes). In these instances, the accomplishment appears to be an in-the-moment event to which it was necessary for one to be responsive.

Yet in most circumstances, our seemingly singular accomplishments are the direct outcome of the relationships and interactions that others have had with us over the course of our lifetime. When we stop and examine the people and events of our life that brought us to this place we now occupy (mentally and physically), we no longer see it as a series of isolated events. Events that are unconnected to each other, distracting us into unexpected and/or undesirable side ventures. Rather, these events and people – of a forgettable instant or a lifetime memory – all served to put us on that path, to open the doors that showed the way. Charles Lindberg flying solo across the Atlantic in his small, single-prop plane “The Spirit Of St. Louis”; John Glen circling the globe alone in his space capsule; Thomas Edison toiling solitarily in his lab trying over and over again to find just the right element to realize his idea of an “electric light” – each had legions of people that brought them to that moment or stood in support of their unique endeavor.

One of the early lessons in our career life is the discovery that almost no one “gets ahead” on his/her own. Simply being “head down” in the workplace, producing good quality work, rarely by itself moves one to that next step of opportunity. It is from being noticed for that work that doors begin to open, opened by someone who decided to take interest in our skills, our situation, our as-yet unfilled promise. Someone who possibly saw more in us than we saw in ourselves.

Perhaps that someone gave us part of our education. Or financing to start our new venture. Or promoted us into a position of greater responsibility and visibility. We may aspire to be a CEO of a major business. Yet in truth that CEO sitting in a corner office on the top floor is charged only with a) making certain strategic decisions, and b) hiring the “right people” to carry out those decisions. It is the person at the cash register in the local store, the receptionist answering the phone, the salesperson who knocks on a buyer’s door, the shop floor worker who assembles the product, the truck driver who delivers the product, and the construction worker who built the roads those trucks drive over – these are the people who determine whether the CEO’s decisions are successful or not.

We are certainly entitled to pat ourselves on the back for any hard work, dedication, and creativity we have contributed to “our” accomplishment. To have been one of those who sought to lead our life rather than react passively to it. But our contribution is given alongside all the other contributors that ultimately dictate our life’s outcome. In humility, we remember that our self-made life is, in fact, created through the supportive efforts of many sharing, collective selves. Including those people unseen and unknown to us that were willing to provide us with food stamps and welfare checks when we may have needed them.

“When you drink the water, remember who dug the well.”  —Zen saying

©  2019   Randy Bell                https://www.OurSpiritualWay.blogspot.com

Our Capacity For Change

“Change is great. You go first.” —A Friend

One of the fundamental tenets of Buddhism is the intrinsic inevitability of Change. Change is ongoing from the moment of an object’s creation, through its continuing existence, stopping only at its ending/“death.” Change applies to tangible things: e.g. humans, animals, birds, plants, mountains, oceans, automobiles, kitchen utensils. It applies to intangibles that we treat as tangibles: e.g. nations, borders, institutions, religions, cultures, races, time itself. It applies to purely intangible concepts: e.g. ideas, philosophies, laws, science, logic.

As human beings, we change physically at the micro level and at our surface appearance. Changes occur due to our preordained growth cycle, or by internal disease, or by external acts forced upon us (e.g. wars, accidents, criminal acts). It can be subtle change; gradual over passing days; sudden, as with a head-on automobile accident.

We change mentally. Changes in our thinking come from the teachings of our parents; the lessons of the classroom; the guidance of our mentors; the result of our self-study. We learn a moral code, shaped by our culture and religion. We factor in our personal experiences, “successes” and “failures,” fears, aspirations, and definition of a “life well lived.” Most of our beliefs are set in place by the end of adolescence, ingrained deeply and rigidly having come from “authoritative sources” and therefore are not easily changed. We then venture out into the Real World with our baseline thinking regarding what life is about and how to interact with it.

With a great rapidity, that Real World comes knocking at our door with a loud shout, a tidal wave of new ideas and experiences that may bare little resemblance to our pre-adult world. The further we drift away from the familiar and protective cocoon of our youth, the more we expose ourselves to – and invite – personal upheaval. Upheaval can come from the challenges of a multitude of sources, and can disrupt any part of our overall existence.

Typically, we prefer to ignore these disruptions and go on with our already busy life. Even within conflict, it certainly feels safer and easier to stay with what we already know. But such avoidance can last only so long. The disruption likely came about in the first place because we have been living in opposition to some greater truth that we are not seeing or acknowledging. So the disruption will continue to plague us, returning time after time in various disguised forms, each time with increasing intensity. Ultimately, we either give it the attention it demands, or we hide ourselves within a life deadened of creative thoughts and honest emotions.

Disruption is the genesis force of Change. When it comes, our first step is to determine if this is just a minor blip on our radar, or the tip of a more meaningful iceberg in our life path. If the latter, we are called to a time of personal reflection to fully understand what new turn is being presented to us. As our reflection gradually unfolds, ideally we begin to change accordingly – opinions, beliefs, circumstances, life roles, personal directions. Appropriately. Deliberately. Without negative judgment or self-criticism for where we have been before. We simply leave behind what was, and allow Life to help guide us through our journey to our next intended place.

Disruption will present itself to us throughout our lifetime, always conflicting with our desire to stay in our status quo. Some Changes we will choose to explore and accept. Some Changes we will let go by, either because we feel they will be too hard; or will take too much time and energy; or because we are simply burned out from having undergone too much upheaval too often.

Over the course of my single lifetime, I have witnessed a remarkable sea change in lifestyles and thinking in American society. Changes in equality of legal rights; racial integration into all segments of society; mixed-race marriage; redefined nuclear families; multiple marriages and single parenthood; women into the workplace; openness of LGBT relationships; new forms of religious / spiritual belief and expression; advancements in technology and communications; exposure to, and interactions with, people from across the globe. These Changes in fundamental, bedrock grounded beliefs have created a modern world with little resemblance to my boyhood society. Keeping up with so many changes, across so many overlapping fronts, occurring in such  a relatively short time (versus the glacial pace of change in centuries past), is almost impossible. That is why we see periodic backlashes and resistance to Changes that have occurred – often from older citizens who may simply feel that they are being asked to accept just one Change too many.

Individually, there is only so much Change we are able make in our one short lifetime, although each of us has a different capacity. That difference is usually based upon our differing degrees of adaptability. The more deeply our life is anchored in “the current,” the less adaptable we are. The more lightly we walk our life’s path, the more adaptable we are able to be.

Our capacity for Change, i.e. our ability to be receptive and adaptable to Life’s disruptions and lessons, is our choice to make, our skill to develop. While it behooves each of us to be sympathetic and compassionate to those whose capacity has been exhausted, we nevertheless recognize that disruptions, and their consequential Change, will still continue. And over the long narrative of human history, the overriding direction of these Changes seems predominately clear – however many side trips are taken along the way. Change comes to us – even as we may think we are warding it away – until comes that greatest disruption of all: our death.

©   2019   Randy Bell             www.OurSpiritualWay.blogspot.com